Living off the fat of the land...

Living with teenagers, Smidley learned to live off the fat of the land. With his bad eyesight, he morphed into a nose dominated little critter. He loved him some people food. Fast food was his favorite. Since teenagers aren't apt to put things away properly, he'd discover, and appropriate, all kinds of little goodies. If a person was to leave a burger sack, with fries, laying around, they wouldn't expect it to be there later if a person was to walk off. Smid was like a thief in the night, or the day for that matter.

My son was always involved in a running battle with Smidley over food. For some reason Smid considered himself an equal with Todd and therefore had equal rights to any and all food that Todd might have. Sometimes I'd hear Todd cussing Smid and griping that Smid had snatched some bit of food off of the coffee table. I'd tell Todd that Smid had not changed his M.O. over time. If you leave something unattended, Smid would get it. Don't expect any other behavior. He has his tried and true methods.

Then there was the "rat's nest". It was behind his favorite sofa, in the corner of the room. When Smid was in trouble, or feeding on his ill-gotten bounty, he'd go to, what I called, his rat's nest. Every once in a while, I'd look back there, usually when I was looking for Smid, and I'd see all manner of objects in that corner. Fast food wrappers, sacks, dog toys...my daughter's underwear(?). You name it. It was like an archeological dig. You could tell what Smid had been up to since the last rat's nest cleaning. Judging from what was back there, Smid must have had the constitution of a goat, or at least a similar diet. He appeared to be willing to eat, and/or, chew on anything.

The further adventures...

In the living room, the sofa is against the wall adjacent to the front door. That was one of Smidley's favorite spots. If the front door was open, he could get up there and look out the screen door and put his little nose in the wind. That way he could smell what was going on.

If someone knocked on the door, Smid would go crazy until he found out who it was. Smid was only friendly to family. With anyone else, he was hard to calm down. I usually had to hold him back with one hand when I opened the door. He came in handy when people from various churches came by to chat. They usually didn't stay long.

I missed my chance at the "witty" remark one day when a couple of cute girls came by from the Latter Day Saints. The remark occurred to me after I closed the door. It would've had something to do with Sidney getting the runs the last time he ate a missionary. Oh well, maybe in Smid's next life.

Go ahead...

Sidney was a constant source of amusement. At the same time, he was a filthy little beast, with filthy habits. Filthy to humans, that is. To him, it was just business as usual.

One of his things was cleaning himself, with gusto. He didn't care who, what, where. When the mood struck, he'd go to cleaning. By cleaning, I meaning licking himself in a most unmanly way. As a dog, such actions are perfectly acceptable. To humans, it was strictly X-rated stuff. People pay money to see such things, although I don't think anyone would pay to see Smid and his antics. If he was quiet about it, that would be one thing. Sidney was anything but quiet and anything but shy. He'd start going to town in any setting.

One such occasion was at Christmas time one year. My brother-in-law and I were sitting in the living room with a football game on and the kids playing in various parts of the house. Seeing as how Sidney was family, he was there also. Before long we noticed the noise of Sidney as he cleaned himself. There he was, in the living room in front of the TV. A person would've had to be deaf or blind not to notice. My brother-in-law, attempting to be funny, remarked, " I wish I could do that!" Not skipping a beat, I said, "Go ahead, but I think he might bite you!"

It was the old, I-think-he-might-bite-you joke and my brother-in-law fell right into it. Ya gotta take your shots when you can get 'em. You never know when the opportunity will come again.

Smidford P. Smidford

Smid didn't want any mail. Or at least it didn't appear that he wanted any.

Let me explain. In order for Smidley to "do his business" he was required to be chained to the handrail beside the front porch. That way he could hang out, do his business, and not be accidentally bitten by Willie, our German Shepard, who lived in the back yard. When Smid had to go, it was much easier to put him in the front.

One of the requirements was to not leave Smid out if the mail hasn't been delivered. Smid barked and growled at the mailman. Part of his problem was, Smid had cataracts. His eyesight was very poor. He was frightened by noises, such as someone walking on our wooden front porch. Inside or outside, Sidney was enlivened by noises on the front porch. If Smid was outside, we got no mail. When the mail was finally delivered, had he been left out, the mailman wrote on a piece of mail, "dog on porch". It was that "vicious" that inspired his name. I never saw him bite anybody, but he sure gave the impression that he would. Sidney was very unfriendly to strangers. We even got a circular from the post office explaining how many mail carriers are bitten by dogs each year. That was fruitless. We knew about all that, but the one doing the, potential, biting didn't know how to read and if he could, he couldn't see well enough to read.

It was speculated that the reason Smid wouldn't let the mailman on the porch was, he never got any mail. He never got any mail until one day, some sort of music-type magazine arrived addressed to "Smidford P. Smidford" with our address on it. Nope, it didn't make Sidney change his ways. He still acted like he didn't want any mail.

Smid...

Smid was a puppy given to my children, by their mother. Her boyfriend wouldn't let her keep a dog at their house, so he got to live at my house.

When she brought him over, he was this fuzzy, white and brown, ball of fur. Dark eyes and black nose. He was cute as a button, as most puppies are. His ancestry was questionable. Allegedly, a Maltese/Fox Terrier mix. The hope was that he'd be more of the Maltese-type and weigh under 10 pounds, rather than take after the 15-20 pound Fox Terrier. He was more in the, none-of-the-above category. His adult weight settled at 22 pounds. Not a big dog but not a little dog.

What to name the puppy became the discussion. Being a puppy and having children to play with, he loved to play. He had needle sharp teeth and a little growl that sounded something like one of those model airplane engines. Someone mentioned that he sounded like the noise a possum makes. I can't confirm that. I've never heard a possum make a noise that didn't sound like a hiss.

We all agreed that he sounded, in his own way, like he was "vicious". Coupled with those needle-teeth, he was. We decided he was "Sid Vicious". Named after either the pro wrestler or the punk rocker. We didn't care which. We started calling him, "Sid" or "Sidney", which somehow morphed into, "Smidley". I'm not sure how. Surely it happened over the course of time and through attempts at humor. "Smid" became the short form of  "Smidley". He was called Sid/Sidney/Smidley/Smid almost in equal measure. He knew who you were talking to, and about. I think he mostly clued in on the inflection. After a while, my daughter and I started saying, "Smid", dragging out the "s" and using some sort of inflection like when Jerry Seinfeld said the name, "Newman". It was unique between Smid and his humans.

Smid, very early on, coming out of his stance.

More later...

Put a handle on it...

When a person signs up to blog, we're required to come up with a handle to identify ourselves. That can be a head scratch-er. Do we assign something to ourselves at random? Do we use what someone else might call us? Surely we wouldn't want to do that. Some things we're called can be unkind or not-too-flattering. Some could be unprintable and violate site rules or rules of decorum. If I was to use any of the terms of endearment from any of my exes (who incidentally, all live in Texas), I might get run out of here.

What I did was settle on the handle, "Delectable Dave". No, I'm not really "delectable", there's a story behind it. It involves my misspent youth.

Back in the day, I was a cigarette smoker. My brand of choice was "Doral". I have no idea if it's still a brand or not, since I've long since left my smoking days behind. Back then, the running joke or banter was that I was going to smoke a "delicious, delightful, delectable Doral", as if those adjectives described what I was smoking. Really, any cigarette is far from that, Dorals included. Every once in a while, I'd say, "delicious, delightful, delectable Dave", just to change things up. Maybe it was the beer talking. After all, it was my misspent youth. I'm not always proud of it, but it was where I was at the time. Some of that stuff I haven't lived down to this very day. Perhaps this blog thing can be therapeutic. Maybe helpful in exorcising some of those old demons.

Anyway, like it or not, on here, I'm "Delectable Dave". Deal with it.

Let me throw this out there...

The inaugural first post. The kick off to what may, or may not, be a series of scintillating, entertaining blog posts. My first thought was to not get "blogged down", until I realized the term was "bogged down", as in getting stuck in a bog or swampy place. Let's not do that.

Blogging. Writing something on this Internet thing in hopes that someone will want to read it. Is it an ego thing or is just the way of this new-fangled cyber world  that we seem to find ourselves in these days? Does anyone really want to read these things? I suppose blogging can be educational, or be like the Led Zepplin song, "Ramble On". Part of the words to that is, "the time, the time, the time is now." Ready or not, here I come. I hope to entertain more people than myself. If not, I hope to have fun, anyway.